This is just in from Internet News headquarters, where our motto is: If it’s news; then it’s usually news to us.

Dateline Anywhere USA; maybe even Your Town: This just in…the world’s officially ended!?!

Ok, it could have; and maybe nobody noticed. But, even so, rumor has it that Seeker Driven prophet-leader Steven Furtick is about to release a reworked cover of an old Chaka Khan song he’s going to call—I’m Every Preacher.

INN gives you an exclusive sneak peek at some of the prophet-leader’s new lyrics:

I can cast a spell
With a vision you can’t tell
Mix a special word
Put fire inside of you
But anytime you feel
Danger or fear instantly I will appear, ’cause

I’m every preacher, it’s all ’bout me
Anything you want preached, buddy
I’ll do it my own way
I’m every preacher, it’s all ’bout me
I can read God’s thoughts right now
Every one from A to Z

And now with breaking semi-satire, INN reporter Jack Storm here with a whirlwind of a story around our roving Nephilim reporter Nephy Lim.

I just discovered this latest Nephy Lim transmission in my Spam folder and I noticed that he had actually sent it before today’s date for this doomed world.

You’ll see, Nephy claims he was on target to land on earth at 21 minutes, 12 seconds, after 12 noon today. Apparently he is no longer stuck in that phantom wormhole.

Nephy explains to us in this new transmission just how it is that he got out of that fix. However, it appears that things still aren’t okay with him, despite his assertions.

This was a terrible transmission and has a very low film quality, which can only mean that Nephy must still be having more than his share of technical difficulties.

Yet Nephy Lim is reporting here about his Global Peace Plan to take over the Earth. He says that he is coming in peace and Nephy wants us all to “just get along.”

He just wants to peacefully conquer us. And, interestingly enough, you’ll hear Nephy Lim warning us about the fact that there are dangerous, evil, Nephilim out there.

It appears that he has some sort of longstanding dispute with some of these other space aliens. However, I don’t think he’s referring to Tom Horn or Chuck Missler.

Finally, Nephy concludes his latest message by informing us that he is sending an infomercial because he has Nephilim deterrent products to sell to us Earthlings.

Nephy wants to make sure that we can protect themselves from unwanted space alien intruders since we have enough on our hands with false teachings of spiritual knuckleheads.

Ah but, enough about the New Apostolic Reformation. By the way, INN has learned that Nephy is still asserting that he was originally planning to land in Hollywood instead of the Mayan pyramid.

But there are no news reports—and we checked—of any strange creatures showing up in and around Hollywood. Well, that is, other than the usual motley crew of kooks and oddballs.

So, strap yourself in because this ought to be interesting!

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