This just in from Internet News headquarters, where our motto is: If it’s news; it’s news to us.

Dateline Anywhere USA; maybe even Your Town: This just in…the world’s gone mad.

Ok, that’s not so new; but did you know that the ego of “Protestant” Purpose Driven Pope Rick Warren has apparently expanded to the point that he’s now decreed, for example, Jesus and Paul were losers.

 Why here below we give you PDL pope Warren’s latest bull via Twitter:

(Online source)

Yikes; we say Matthew 23 and Galatians 2. You may recall our IN piece A Rob Bell Translation Of The Bible? where we talked about the possible release of a translation of the Bible, which in a parallel universe, may have been done by the Emerging Church rock star pastor Rob Bell.

Now we certainly doubt we were able to make up procure 2 Timothy 4:1-2 from this quite controversial, yet non-controversial, work of non-quasi-fiction:

4:1 I suggest to you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who has already forgiven all of the living and the dead, and by his embracing of humanity himself in the incarnation to bring his kingdom on earth now: 2 discuss the word; be in conversation about social justice always; obfuscate, be vague, and raise many questions, with complete patience and love for mankind.

If anyone is vaguely clear in being semitranslucent while obviously obfuscating texts of Holy Scripture we’re sure it might be Rob Bell. Recently a long time ago Bell rang us up concerning a “friend of mine, Peter Rollins, a philosopher-slash-poet from Belfast.”

Bell almost avowed to us that Rollins may indeed be, or not, “one of the freshest voices I’ve heard.”[1] Our IN investigation revealed that the nearly nudnik irrational philosopher Peter Rollins is possibly an opague atheist cloaking himself with a coat of sheep’s skin.

His current creed of know-nothingism is:

(Online source)

And now non-divinely IN humanly believes rumors that another translation of daring dubiety concerning words usually attributed to God—but maybe not—has now become emergent. This powerfully powerless publication is almost imperceptibly pictured below:

We may not have acquired a copy of The Emerging Bible of Doubt, unless we did, with its rarely remarkable reimagined verses like Matthew 14:31Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “Oh my love of little faith, why didn’t you have more doubt you silly?” How about a doubt-filled Mark 11:23“Truly, I say to you bud, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and musters up enough doubt in his heart, to truly be not believing that what he says will come to pass, then shall it be done for him.”

Then there could also be Luke 24:38And he said to them, “Dude, why are you not growing troubled; and why aren’t more doubts arising in your hearts?” Or how about if there was a Mark 9:24Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “Oh no, I’m so sorry; I did believe. Please help me to have more unbelief and divine doubt!” And then there’s the execrable classic John 20:27Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Disbelieve, be like God; doubt and not believe.”

But what you may not know is that this kind of courting doubt isn’t new at all; it’s always been a part of liberalism. Unlike today’s New Downgrade No-Controversy within apostatizing evangelicalism, maybe you know that Charles Spurgeon was dealing with the evil forebears of the neo-liberal cult within the Emerging Church in the Downgrade Controversy. For your listening and dancing pleasure, er, make that your edification and guidance, here’s a snippet from his sermon entitled “The Three Witnesses,” which was originally preached at the Metropolitan Tabernacle on Sunday morning, 9 August 1874:

I feel sick to death of the common talk about the healthiness of doubting and the beauty of “modern thought.” This talk is only the self-praise of a set of concealed infidels treacherously lurking in God’s church. (Online source)

IN happens to faintly and firmly believe that these unknowledgeable faithfilled teachers of doubt in the Emerging Church like Peter Rollins and Rob Bell really have asymmetrically arrived on the cutting edge alright…yeah…of the 19th century…

End notes:

[1], accessed 6/5/11.

See also: