Here’s an exclusive for readers of Slice Of Laodicea from your friends at Apprising Ministries. It’s a sneak preview of a forth-coming article… In it I’ll be taking a look at some of the things Joel Osteen smiles and says, and then I’ll be taking a look at some of the other things Joel Osteen smiles and says, if you see where I’m going…

Osteen Says

On June 20th of this year Smiling Joel Osteen appeared on Larry King Live. At one point a caller says to Osteen:

CALLER: I have a question for you. We’re a small congregational church here and we’d like to come and see you next month, but you charge to get in and we’re a very poor congregation. Why do you charge to get in to your appearances?

OSTEEN: Yes. The only reason we charge — I hated to charge. The only we charge…

KING: You charge at the church?

OSTEEN: No, no, never. Never.

KING: When you travel?


The only reason we did is because when we went New York to Madison Square Garden they wouldn’t let us do an event without doing a ticketed event because of the crowds. We sold it out two nights and we turned so many people away in Anaheim and Atlanta, it was just a shame to do that.

Hey, you know, you need to write the church, because we’ll make a way that anybody can get in to those events. I don’t like charging.

KING: What do you charge?

OSTEEN: $10.

Hmm, what’s that you say Joel Osteen; “we sold it out…we turned so many people away.” Or is it “we’ll make a way that anybody can get in.” Anybody, it seems, but the “many people” you turned away. And as far as Osteen’s hating to charge and the $10 ticket prices, here on Slice of Laodicea the other day in an item entitled “The Cost Of Worshipping Joel Osteen,” Ingrid wrote:

No, the header isn’t a typo. I noticed what the ticket prices are for an upcoming Joel Osteen “worship” event. Then it occured to me that they are actually gathering to worship Joel. Can you imagine the blasphemy of taking $115 dollars from someone so they can “worship” with you? Look at these ticket prices! The eternal cost of worshipping a golden calf like Joel will be even higher.

Well, I decided to do just that; “Look at these ticket prices!” I went and checked out prices of tickets for “The Traveling Joel Osteen Revue” (was that another Elvis sighting?) to see if Joel was right about the price of his tickets, or if Ingrid was right, and here’s what I found. Under the heading “Joel Osteen Tickets” we read:

Charismatic Lakewood Church pastor and best-selling author Joel Osteen is sharing his message with capacity crowds at arenas across the nation. Fans drive in droves to see Joel Osteen and hear his popular sermons! Join one of the most famous televangelists for a special night of encouragement, inspiration, and worship! Buy your Joel Osteen tickets now!

Wow, just imagine it; it’s as if we are reading the Gospel of Luke and being transported back in time to the first century all over again, isn’t it?

Charismatic itinerant Creator of the world and Founder of the Christian Faith Christ Jesus of Nazareth is newly back from the dead and is sharing His “ground-breaking” message with huge crowds at arenas across the holy Land. Fans ride camels and donkeys en masse to see Jesus and hear His cool talks about God and stuff. Don’t miss the most famous Person to ever walk His earth for a memorable night of merriment, making you feel good in your sin, and His rocking band of unschooled ordinary fishermen. Get your Jesus Christ tickets now, before He ascends to Heaven!

This would be the Gospel according to St. Luke, if he’d been kicked in the head by one of those mules!

Below are some of the ticket prices for “The Joel Osteen Show,” coming to weak-willed apostates near you:

Thu, Oct. 20th 7:30 PM
Madison Square Garden New York, NY

Tickets left as this was written were $25 to $60.

Fri, Nov. 18th 7:30 PM
Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena Jacksonville, FL

The only available tickets are between $95 and $100

And for:

Fri, Dec. 2nd 7:30 PM
BJCC Arena Birmingham, AL

The tickets left range from $45 to $60

Since our Lord Christ Jesus said ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses,’ following the biblical injunction of Deuteronomy 17:6, from another ticket vender we get this information concerning “An Evening With Joel Osteen” and the current ticket prices:

At Jacksonville Veterans Memorial ArenaJacksonville, FL Fri, Nov 18 2005
7:30 PM

The only available tickets as of this writing are priced between $85 and $96

BJCC Arena
Birmingham, AL Fri, Dec 2 2005
7:30 PM

The only available tickets are between $35 and $120

Well now, in June on Larry King Live Joel smiles and tells us how he only charged for tickets because he had to. Oh, and only $10 at that. Well, apparently he has been cured of that problem, as the facts would certainly appear to be otherwise. In all fairness on his personal website one can find tickets for $10, limited to 6 per person, but his argument that the above tickets are being sold by scalpers will only appeal to his most ardent of followers as these are reputable ticket vendors.

Even so, for the sake of argument, let’s just just say that the tickets are all sold at $10. In his insightful article Osteen?s Ignorance (sic) Christian researcher Bob Liichow did the math for us:

The arena at Madison Square Garden seats 19,522 people, at $10.00 person that equals $195,220 per evening. Multiply this by two sold-out evenings you have $390,440, plus add in additional merchandise revenue. So in two evenings Osteen took in around half a million dollars. When he comes to the Palace of Auburn Hills, Mi. we have a seating capacity of 22,076, assuming he sells out this venue (minus the cost of my ticket) he will make a little over a quarter of a millions dollars. He has 20 events scheduled for 2005. At a minimum Osteen will take in somewhere in the neighborhood of ten million dollars in appearances alone. When you add this amount to his undoubtedly large salary as senior pastor at Lakewood, plus the income from his best selling books along with the accompanying?journal? (sic) You can understand why Joel is always smiling. Smiling all the way to the bank. (http://www.discernment.org/osteen.htm, emphasis added)

What’s that you say Joel Osteen? Remember what the Bible says about those who smile and speak out of both sides of their mouth; A double minded man is unstable in all his ways – James 1:8 (KJV).

You know, this applies even if millions of people say you do have a nice smile. And Joel, you have a nice day, won’t you?